Being Human

I remember when I was young Lynard Skynard recorded the song give me back my bullets, put em back where they belong. I knew the words but not the meaning of them. Now at 51 I’m just beginning to get what Ronnie must have been feeling when he sang that tune.

Life can be a real challenge. Sometimes it seems as though it’s more trouble than it’s worth. To many days to count I’ve thought I don’t want to be in this world anymore. The hard part is not dying that’s easy, the hard part is living…

Like everyone I’ve had big dreams, you know the kind that transcends the place your standing and drops you off somewhere really special. It seems like time and circumstance have a way to pound those dreams out of you. We begin to settle for a life much different than we had anticipated.

Everyone likes to think that their a good person and people love and respect them in spite of their humanity. Well, welcome to the real world. I’ve learned you can’t do enough good to make up for all the hell you’ve created, at least in the eyes of some people. The self righteous “Christians” who fill the world with their judgmentalism and lack of human compassion, all in the name of Jesus.

I have tried to give grace and mercy to everyone I meet. I don’t want to judge anyone because I’m not God…..for the record I’m not the devil either. Maybe you should ask my family about the devil thing they might have a different opinion. If you truly want to know someone don’t ask their co-workers or friends, ask the wives and husbands, the children and family. We can all put on a good show for the select few. At the end of the day our real friends and family know the real you.

To sum this epistle up, I don’t share posts to get a following or build a support base. The simplicity of it all, I would like to think I can do a little good and relieve some of the internal pain and shame that I feel 24/7. I don’t mind when people judge me and say whatever they have to say, I’m grown, I can take it. What grieves my soul beyond measure is when people attack me and it causes my family to come to my defense.

Someone told me the other day, you ain’t nothing but a drunk… for the record, I’ve struggled with alcohol addiction for years. Some years I win and some I lose. To clear everything up, I’m not just a drunk, I’m a father, husband, brother, uncle, cousin and a person who loves people and hates himself at the same time.

If people want to try and destroy me because of my issues, I guess I have it coming. What I cannot live with is people who are so ugly and say incredibility mean things, never considering those that will be affected. We live in a very different time, I loved the little place I grew up in. The people and community, the lives shared and the roads traveled. The world has become a very different place…..the Internet and Facebook give people an audience for their bullshit…

Give me back my bullets, put em back where they belong…

If I go , it will be by my own hand not by another. Everyone who thinks they have ammunition to hurt me with….I just went public with my struggles, so if that doesn’t make some of the haters back off…than I guess you can kiss my corn bread eatin’ hillbilly ass…

If you find this offensive I guess just unfriend me because were not friends to begin with!

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